Knowing is one thing, Doing it is another thing

     It was already afternoon when we were about to leave the cemetary. My family went there for some chinese belief thing while my sisters and I were just there out of obedience, besides there’s nothing wrong going there minus the ritual thing.

   The cemetary isn’t just full of buried dead bodies but also poor children who ran after people begging for money. While waiting for the other car, two innocent looking kids knocked as to beg for money…to give it wouldn’t be wise.Then I saw my sister was rummaging her handbag and took out some sweets. Ah…That’s better.

     And then an older girl approached the the other two, I assumed to ask what or perhaps how much they got, and walked away. My mom, in her generous mood, asked for one more sweet from my sister and called the other two and passed them the sweet. My heart melted when I saw the most sincere smile from them. She then called the older girl to give her the sweet but apparently big girls don’t like sweet anymore. Not me though =D

    "Yay! Now I have two sweets to keep for myself. It’s always good to have extra", said ciyeng to herself pretending she was her. That script changed when another girl came to them and she immediately, with another big sincere smile, offered her the extra sweet.….

     This time Luke 17:33 "Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it." knocks my head. =D

p.s Another version adds "for me and the gospel"
Easter is just around the corner, Jesus lose His life that He may save ours eternally. One life to trade with eternity. Which one do you have in mind? Oh by the way, I did mention ‘with a big sincere smile =D’

     2 days after my arrival back home..oops sorry brother James, I have to postpone the other post for a while but I promise you I’ll get back on that =D. So anyway, 2 days after arriving in Makassar, it was chinese new year’s eve and the big thing about it was really the ‘fun’ helping out at the restaurant.

     Woke up early, grab few biscuits, committed the day into His hand and I’m off to the battlefield which is located few blocks from my house. The glass doors revealed the chaos happening inside. I could see few take-aways lined up on chairs and I told myself, "Darn, I am late." Went it, felt a bit weird since I don’t really know the people there. The absence of my cousin there relieved me, not because I hate her or what haha, simply for the fact that it showed I wasn’t late since her parents are the one in charge.

     Before starting anything, here are the rules of the battle: 1. Run and hide, unless you are very near then you need to tip-toe your way out, when the phone rings. 2. Do not sit around. 3. Always make yourself busy, be it walking with plastic bags in your hand or even paper and pen. Got it? So here we go.

     The work started with my usual ‘expertise’ i.e packing the food, from a huge serving of hot soup to the huge salad plate. It was fun and painful at times especially when you felt that hot sensation on your skin, you have no choice but to ‘enjoy’ it and not letting go off the food.

     There wasn’t much things to do in the morning but when it reached 4pm, everyone didn’t have time to blink. Poeple started coming in, looking for their orders; phones started ringing, boy! told you to avoid them, no idea whether someone got hit…I know I didn’t. People started screaming and shouting, asking for each of their customer’s food; people looking for markers, for small change, for the drivers to send the deliveries, stomach started making noises, people calling others names, looking for sauces, rubber bands, plastic bags and on the battle went. Oh by the way, it didn’t end that way. Evening and night came, good smelling people with nice clothes are arriving and you felt so out of place. Wearing my baggy green pants and t-shirt, I tried to ignore the look on people’s face and continued sweeping the floor. One of the thing that crossed my mind and I kinda did it was to ’scold’ a kid in english when she stepped on the pile of rubbish that I have swept aside, but I was being a chicken and ’scolded’ between my teeth. Her reaction was to look on my face simply because I looked at her and walked off.

     Few of the last thing I did before leaving was setting up tables and the night passed without a family reunion dinner… a bit sad but for this one thing, I rather not having that dinner. A few hours later after my parents got home, my dad asked us to go down to the ground floor to pray. I was a bit reluctant coz that was where the altar of idols is placed and why do we have to go down anyway since I can pray on other floors. So, here we were holding hands, right in front of the altar and my dad suddenly prayed to Jesus, giving thanks to Him and continued by my eldest sister. Though he later prayed to the idols as well but I believe that was one big change and all praise goes to YOU, GOD! Went to sleep and was awaken by 2 sms by two weird people who sent new year’s wish at 2 a.m and at 6 a.m for the fact that sydney was 8a.m by then. Thanx JQ. =D

     Last but definitely not least, we survived the battled without much injuries simply because God was in control and that I had surrendered the day into His hands. So, anyone who are interested to experience this thing, you are welcomed to join us and feel the adrenaline rush, though the chance is only available during both of the new year’s eve, but that’s what makes it worth it. =D

P.S: btw, I don’t recall eating dinner at all =D, and one more thing, thank God for no migraine as well….cheers!

"Then I realized that my heart was bitter,
      and I was all torn up inside.
I was so foolish and ignorant—
      I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.
Yet I still belong to you;
      you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
      leading me to a glorious destiny.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
      I desire you more than anything on earth.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
      but God remains the strength of my heart;
      he is mine forever.
Those who desert him will perish,
      for you destroy those who abandon you.
But as for me, how good it is to be near God!
      I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter,
      and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do."

This is my Bible.
I am what It says I am.
I have what It says I have.
I can do what It says I can do.
Today I’m will be taught the Word of God.
I have boldly confess that my mind is alert,
my heart is receptive,
I will never be the same.
I am about to receive the incorruptable,
indestructable, ever-living seed of the Word of God.
I’ll never be the same.
Never never never.
I’ll never be the same.
In Jesus’s Name.
Amen.

It is important that you know who you really are in God. Fight the enemy with the Word of God which is sharper than any double-edged sword. We are more than a conqueror, victors and not victims.

God bless you.

     It had been a tough week for me, lots had happened but my little brain didn’t seem to be able to comprehend things…that hurts. Wrong feelings, guilt, confusion, lost…everything seemed to conspire against me…what else is new.
     Am I running in days without a rested heart or perhaps being sensational without skill…been praying for disciples since my last "failures"…did I even dare to ask for one, it still hurts by the way…they had arrived, and I do not believe that God gave me simply because I asked for it…God, give me disciples when You think I’m ready and with the right motive. Been building myself…listening to sermons, building a hedge of protection against things that may stumble me, fighting my wrong thoughts with the Word, reading more…I simply couldn’t afford to make another mistake, at least not on the things that God has entrusted with me, esp souls. How can I fill others when I’m empty myself?
     Is my labour in vain? Am I growing despite all the efforts?…Been in my ministry for almost three years now, full with passion but I didn’t seem to grow…others had been entrusted with something…maybe I simply have no potential, rest in the thoughts that the leaders know best..though it hurts, I’ll just be there.
     "There is a different annointing, different purpose and God is realigning you and it might be painful at times" Ps. Sam.
     Back in discipleship, different authority all together; tougher, stronger, and hurts even more…I guess that’s the new alignment…Been a lambchop for quite a time, struggled, learning without a mentor…have I been learning the right things? or maybe the question is have I been learning? It has always been my prayer that God would be hard on me, to discipline me, to make me stronger…be careful with what you ask for, it might come true…it did come true by the way…it hurts most of the time but I know it is for good…but why does it hurt? Bones crushed, die to self, allowing my leader to pierce me with the One that is sharper than double-edged sword, and of course pride. The king’s worst nightmare is when another king is enthrone. Dear my capt’n, I’m sorry if I’ve been given you much trouble, thank you for being the good Samaritan to me, allowing me to board on your ship and sail together, please be hard on me for my good, I don’t mind though it hurts, I might react instead of respond but grace me in that, a cowboy learning to be a sailor. I know I can be a good sailor.
     Lots of things I couldn’t understand, I have chosen the faith path, I don’t mind not understanding anything but I can’t lead without it…oh God that You’ll give me wisdom and understanding…it hurts not to be able to understand, overwhelmed most of the times, pity party continues for days…but I’ll choose to move on, not to dwell…it is the decision that matters not the feeling. God has been faithful all the times, showing and lead me to the way out, things just fall into places. This is just another maze, I know the secret better now, lay it all down the moment I got it, salvation is at work, I just need to follow, need to decrease and let Him increase, thus glory be upon His Name at the exit.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body." 2 Corinthians 4:7-10

     That’s why I love the Word of God, loving the Author even more…my efforts is not in vain after all. While we’re going through the worst, you are getting in on the best. It’s time to move on…who says Christian life is boring?      
     It is a tough journey, my mind is too small to comprehend but I’ll choose to put my trust in His Name and that He will deliver me. I might not know what is going on, but I’m rested knowing that God knows and that He is in control.

     "All things works for the good of those who love Him", Romans 8:28

     It is hard, but I’m gonna focus my eyes on God and I’m gonna come out strong, in Jesus’ Name. God is gonna turn it around, and I need to be ready; ready for rain and ready for change, ready for favor! Hallelujah! God is good. Be blessed.

     Thank You, God. Blessed be Your Name.

     *So, besides the flight attendant’s attempt to ‘kiss’ me..kidding, I also received a secret note from someone. The funny part is that before receiving the note, I actually imagined myself as Ethan Hunt of Mission Impossible when he watched a confidential video tape given by a flight attendant, when suddenly someone appeared from the dark aisle and passed me a note…this note is going to self-destruct when you want it, since it is a bio-degradable substance…

     Anyway, about the drama thing that I mentioned in the previous post, was actually more to my side rather than Nai Yee and Jill. Ok, pay attention to this message because I’m not going to repeat it since you can actually read it as many times as you want again and again since it won’t erase itself, anyway after the whole secret agent identity, my mind decided to act out another role, guess who will that be…no other than the famous…Mr. Bean…falling from your chair. I always attempt to look suspicious especially when passing through the immigration officers, hoping they will suspect and stop and bring me to their interrogation room, but then again I failed and the role went to Nai Yee and Jill. Probably next year…academy awards.

*nothing compared to the joy when I saw Hillsong billboard welcoming her delegates at the airport*

coming up next: 1st night in sydney, getting a sim card, lost while trying to look for my friends’ house and the amazing days during the conference

     Yeah, so I was just saying about the things that happened during the flight. It took about 8 hours to reach Sydney if I’m not mistaken, but yet it felt shorter than my 2-hours flight to Jakarta. It was my first time to be in a flight where a totally foreign language is the main language, considering that I could understand a little bit of chinese when I flew to Hong Kong. There wasn’t any flight attendant standing in the aisle to demonstrate about the safety procedures on emergency, instead there was just a video for it, which I know, is normal but the thing about the video is that, it is an animation and it’s a bit horny, ckckck angmo…nothing…=)

     The other thing was that we had two meals, actually one was snack but the size qualified the sandwich to be a meal in my dictionary, the sandwich was cold but nice though. Among all those, nothing beats the one that I’m gonna tell you, which really amused me…Am I that tiny among them, or they were just that big among us? I was really shocked yet amused when one of the flight attendants, came to a distance where I actually thought she’s gonna kiss me but asking what did I want for lunch instead….shrinking, I am THAT tiny among them…

<coming up next…."drama" in the airport, starring Nai Yee,Jill and ciyeng’s failed attempt…again>

     God opened the doors, thus I was able to write about my trip to Sydney. It was kind of a sudden decision, but if I were to look back, it was actually one of my little dreams to visit Sydney, all thanks to the TV series "Spellbinder" where I first saw how Sydney looked like and immediately I said to myself that I wanna go there someday, and of course the famous Sydney 2000. God is just amazing, full of surprises. 
     It started off with a struggle to ask for my dad’s permission, which turned out to be not a struggle at all. He gave his permission on the spot. But it wouldn’t be a great trip if there weren’t any other challenges. Renewal of passport, transferring of my student visa to the new passport and application for Australian visa itself, which all of them (the officers and the people in-charge said that it was impossible to get them done in that short period of time, but guess what God is a god of the impossible, all of them were done within a week!!) You see, when God opens the doors, nothing can even move an mm to close it.
Oh of course, how could it slip of my mind, the trip wasn’t just a normal holiday trip watsoever, but it was a trip to attend Hillsong 20th Conference. Now, what else could be more exciting than that! Hohoho yes there is…my BIRTHDAY!! Isn’t that great?!
     Twelve of us went together and we reached there on the 2nd of July 2006, hmm perhaps let me share a little bit on the flying part.

~due to my tight schedule and  due to the constraint of human’s eyes, I’ll continue it some other time~

coming soon…=)

Blessed by the conference, picking up the pieces again, my spirit is strengthened.
God has been good all the way be it in the deepest valley or in my highest peak.
He gives and He takes away.
He provides in the way a mortal could never imagine.
He blesses so that we can be generous.
I am not just blessed with bread but people who have embedded their handprints in my heart.
Some smaller, some bigger. Some lighter, some deeper.
Hands that have helped to shape to who I am right now.
To those who have shown me hope, I love you.